wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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