my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
