I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
