he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
