My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
