she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize