I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
