i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
