Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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