Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
