i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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