I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
