I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
