Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
