is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
