I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
