HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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