The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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