why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
