Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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