You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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