To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
