i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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