What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
