Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
