I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
no you cant smoke seaweed
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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