New invention idea: vibrating tampons
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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