The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
