exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
