I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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