just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
