DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
