thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
