my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
