it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
