Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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