Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
