I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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