shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
