Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
