I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize