I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
