I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
