Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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