he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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