Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize