Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
