I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Less talking, more tequila
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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