is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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