Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
