Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
