I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
