i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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