I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize