drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have already put on my inside pants.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
