Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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