woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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