Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
