Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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