If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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