whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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