are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
