I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
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