??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
