did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
