I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
